1. Justin! He's terrific. And I wanna say on your behalf I really hope the other guys from NSYNC are watching that performance. Because if they were, I think there's a really good chance that they're gonna let you back to the band.

2. We are very welcoming to outsiders here in hollywood. We don't discriminate against people because based on what country they come from. We discriminate against them based on age and weight. Andrew Garfield lost 40 pounds. Where are you Andrew? You can barely even see him he's got so thin. It was an astonishing physical transformation that has been attempted since every actress in every role ever.

3. Some of you will get to come up here on the stage tonight and give a speech that the president of the United States will tweet about in all caps during his 5AM bowel movement tomorrow.

4. Let's get going and assign for our first category tonight. It's supporting actors, it's what most actors' parents are still doing –supporting actors.

5. When your name is Mahershala what do you name the kid? You can't go with like Amy. Real simple? Mark? Oh Mari. Alright I approve.

6. Before we go any further, if there is anyone here from CNN or the LA or New York Times, if you work for anything with a word "times" in it, even like medieval times, I'd like to ask you to leave this building right now ok? We have no tolerance for fake news. Fake tan we love but fake news...

7. I wanna mention the young men and women you see handing out trophies tonight are not models. They're not Stallone girls, they're actually all winners of the Student Academy Awards. They're Academy awards winners. So this is their first time being part of something like this and keeping up with the time-honoured tradition for entry level jobs here in Hollywood for the work tonight we will not be paying them.

7. Now it's time for something that is very rare nowadays, a president who believes in both arts and scientists. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the president of the Academy of those things.

8. The movie business is changing. For the first time ever, Amazon is represented at the Academy awards, the first streaming service nominated for best picture. Jeff Bezos is the founder and CEO. I want to say congratulations to Jeff, and I also want you to know Jeff, if you win tonight, you can expect your Oscar to arrive in two to five business days. Is stolen by a GrubHub delivery man.

9. I don't know if anybody is gonna be able to give a speech after that. I mean that was unbelievable, and people were crying. Viola Davis just got nominated for an Emmy for that speech at the Oscars.

10. Just remember because a screenplay is adapted doesn't mean we love it any less.

Kate McKinnon和Jason Bateman一逗一捧太有意思了

John Cho和Leslie Mann的装傻也好玩